AlFè SVU

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

 The Police Chief has Alex's wrist in his hand, pressed against the desk in his office while his lips press hungrily against Alex's neck. It was the third time this week he had taken Alex bent over his desk, and the third time Alex had questioned if this was even legal for the chief to be doing this to him.

 

He has his face hidden as the shorter man plows into him, mocking him for being a sissy as he does.  He hated that, he told the man he hated getting mocked like this but he kept doing it. He hated more that some part of him is still liking this. Liking it despite hating the police chief. 

 

And it's not because it had gotten him promoted to detective in a near record time in the department he was most interested in working in. That had been the only reason he'd agreed, since it had been implied that to refuse would mean he would never even get to work outside of records with no hope of advancement. He agreed out of desperation in somehow improving this mess of a police force, if really helping people. And he figured it was better him than some naive intern or something. He'd sworn he'd help root out why he'd not gotten any help before the livestream where he showed the evidence of crime, put his own father under citizen's arrest and brought him to the police. With that event they couldn't ignore it anymore. The footage had gone viral and sparked international outrage. 

 

He was still surprised at all the corruption laid bare in the force, and he'd not earned any friends with his stunt. They all knew of the corruption as well but most kept quiet about it. That Alex wouldn't made him a snitch which lost him even more favour. So of course when he was promoted to detective and transfered to the SVU it was no surprise he was partnered with the other unpopular detective. 

 

Alex had gotten the impression that Félix didn't like him much, so he barely registed the slowly changing expression that Félix had whenever he took a call from the chief. He was usually too absorbed in steeling himself for what was about to happen. He didn't need to see the usual detatched look Félix wore, he figured it would just exhaust him more. 

 

Alex normally was uncomfortable around Félix, unsure how to read him even more than he usually felt with people. Félix also didn't speak much, or use a lot of typical body language - or when he did he would tell Alex nothing was wrong, or that he was feeling something different from what people usually felt when showing those motions, confusing Alex more. He'd developed a talent in actually sensing the negative things people around him felt, a psychic skill he never dared bring up to anyone, lest they think him crazy. But Felix pinged it in such odd ways, like how he seemed near perpetually irritated, but he also rarely seemed more upset than that. Of course, sometimes cases brought out more, but Alex would see him as a monster if he didn't get upset at those things, even if his facial expression never changed. Maybe it was because of how frequently Félix seemed annoyed, but even his ability to see that aura seemed faulty. Which meant Félix tended to get a lot of long,  confused looks while Alex tried to figure his partner out. 

 

That wasn't to say they didn't work well together. Neither were interested in the usual idle office chatter, which meant they spent a lot more time actually working. It also turned out both could be warm and compassionate with victims they met as well, though Alex knew he wasn't nearly as good with dealing with the families. He had been working on that, as well as something he'd managed to do a few times in the field- manipulate how another person felt, either to feel what he felt or so that he could take away some of their suffering for a while. It had been making things go better, and he was learning along the way how important it was to soften the reality of things as well. Unfortunately, he still struggled with getting suspects to take him seriously. 

 

And that's why the police chief was mocking him now by saying, "still can't get others to take a little sissy like you seriously?" He slaps Alex's ass then, getting a yelp out of him. 

 

Alex hides his face deeper into his arm, "y-you know I h-hate that!" It's not even being called a sissy that bothers him, its that mocking tone. That tone where it was obvious that the person was looking down on him. He hates it so much that he even could feel himself starting to cry, so he turns his head to not soak his suit with his tears. 

 

The Police Chief pets his hair, hushing Alex, "Sh, you don't mind it that much, right? Enough to put up with it for your job, right?" Alex sobs softly, nodding as he still hides his face. The other man pets his bare ass as he keeps pounding it, "that's what I thought, my cute little sissy slut."

Comments

[monsieurnoir]

Félix had known Alex the instant he saw him. He's been working internationally for years and he knew Alex's history, about his father and the trafficking. Having Alex be brought in as his partner was... an experience. The jury was still out on what kind. On the one hand having a competent partner was pretty amazing on the other... it complicated things when he actually liked one of his current coworkers. But from what he saw there was no actual improper activities that Alex had done. Even when the chances were there, Alex was a Good Cop.

And that was why Felix was doing this. He had had to grudgingly wait for his team but he's turning on his cam and quietly walking into the Chief's office; bold as he pleased gun unholstered and in his hand. "Police Chief Benjamin Maxwell, under the authority of the FBI, you are under arrest - for multiple counts including but not limited to acts police corruption, sex trafficking, falsifying state and federal records, obstructing justice, withholding and tampering with evidence, extortion, rape, and sexual coercion. Step away from Detective Furest and pull your pants back up."

He's edging closer his expression grim. The blond isn't alone a team of three are joining him in the office and in the room beyond them there are other FBI agents handling things there. Those silver blue grey eyes are icy and hard. One of the members of his team is circling around yanking the Chief's hands away from Alex bringing them behind his back to secure in cuffs. They're yanking the man's pants up. squaring him away as Felix moves to Alex. Félix is reciting the usual speech for Miranda Rights as he walks closer his eye focus on the Chief - there's a different badge proudly displayed from a chain around Félix's neck resting at the center of his chest.

Reholstering his issued side arm he's touching Alex's shoulder. "Straighten yourself out, we'll go out the back way and go get a kit done. I'll take care of you from here on out.." His expression would come across as apologetic. Alex didn't deserve this and he knows it's humiliating to be seen this way but it gave them perfect evidence - the irrefutable visuals, audio and physical.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex pulls his own pants up quickly, drawing back and away from the police chief. His own stomach sinks to the ground, and all he can do is back against a wall and shield his face from the team storming in. He covers his mouth, knowing from his work exactly why he's feeling this feeling of sickening guilt and shame. But he's also not sure if he'd done anything illegal, accepting the Chief's deal. The laws were complex, and there were some arguments online that it was a form of prostitution. At the same time he knew this wasn't something that simple. The chief knew he was vulnerable, knew his past, and kept implying that he'd be negatively impacted if he refused to go along with it.

He makes sure to pull his pants up with his free hand, adjusting his buckle, so by the time Fèlix gets to Alex's side he's already covering his mouth as he cries at being caught like this. He just kept reminding himself it would be okay. He knew that he's a victim here. He had to keep reminding himself that it was fine. Fèlix would know this too, would know how to handle this. It's never easy, but Fèlix knows what he's doing.

When Fèlix touches Alex's shoulder he jumps a little, but then rushes past him to the garbage can, dropping to his knees next to it and emptying his lunch into the basket. He holds onto the edge of the desk as he keeps throwing up into the basket until he's just dry heaving. After another minute of catching his breath he finally stands slowly, using a piece of notepad paper to wipe his mouth, tossing it into the bin. He's still shaking when he stands, but he steps in close to Fèlix as he keeps his head down, letting himself be led out of the room and out the back way.

He holds a hand to his chest, cringing over it, knowing that the pain is probably just another panic attack. He'd had them before, he had seen other victims have them, but he also welcomes the feeling of being drawn out and away from his body. He lets himself go, to watch from outside of himself, cutting off that panic attack early. "Th-thank you," he mutters, wiping his eyes and readjusting himself. It was better the fewer people they ran into, but he wanted to at least be able to look like nothing was out of the ordinary. They could find out later from someone else. He'd stand straight and walk past like nothing was wrong. He and Fèlix would walk together in silence on a regular basis, so it wouldn't be that odd that they didn't speak as they walked past.

When they are alone he leans into Fèlix just a little bit, letting him comfort him if he will. When they get to Fèlix's car he slumps into the passenger seat, closing his eyes. He's still not breaking down, instead just looking distant, pensive, but when the doors close and they're alone he asks Fèlix without looking to him, "H-how long have you known?"

[monsieurnoir]

Fèlix let Alex straighten himself out. He let him have a bit of space but not too much. Not enough to let anyone think they needed to step in for him. No he's going to stay there by Alex - no one else is going to be here with Alex. Just him. Because Fèlix knew and understood Alex. Also, he wanted to comfort Alex even if it wasn't touching him he's sure a familiar presence is good for him. He doesn't dare get too close and personal just now. Not until they're on their way out he places a hand at the small of Alex's back.

"Deep breath. In and count. Out then count." It's a gentle reminder when they're alone in the hall. When they're completely alone and Alex leans into him, his arm slips around him. "I've got you. We'll take care of this and he'll never touch you or anyone else again. I'll see to that." His eyes closed as he helped him into the car. As soon as they're seated he's adjusting his badge after buckling in.

"Long enough to know it's not a passing thing. I apologize for not acting sooner but I had to get everything in order. There were a lot of complications with this investigation. Since we've been looking into possible ties to the sex trade, human trafficking.... But I meant what I said he will be punished to the fullest extent. You didn't do anything wrong, I want you to know that." He's turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of his parking spot. "I've been digging into the corruption of this station for some time and I know you're not part of it - you're just a victim."

He glanced over at him clearing his throat. "Not just a victim. You're my partner and I intend for you to stay as such. If you'd like that is." His eyes moved back to the road as he started for the hospital. He'd spoken to his superiors about Alex. About how Alex would be the ideal partner for him given his assignment types. They tended to be trafficking cases and Alex knew that world better than anyone. He could teach them things, help Fèlix develop a better cover and navigate things.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex breathes, counting silently in and out. He'd had to take a moment to do so regularly on the job, and even if he only went to a few therapy sessions before his anxiety over trusting a stranger won out, he had at least learned a few practical things like that. He visibly relaxes when Félix tells him that he didn't do anything wrong. It was good to hear it from someone else, even if he kept telling himself it was true. He buckles himself into the car as Félix starts the engine and then sinks into the seat, putting his arm over his eyes so he can just separate himself from the world for a while.

He was about to remark that at least he made a very useful victim, but before he could Félix goes and offers him a job with the FBI. At first he doesn't quite catch on, "Of c-course I... w-wait," he stops as things click. He sits up, dropping his arm to the door's armrest as he turns to look at the badge on Félix's chest to confirm what he thought was the case. "Y-you mean in the FBI?" His eyes are wide, not actually needing an answer to that.

He drops back again, though he doesn't cover his eyes this time. He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a long breath, "yes, without a d-doubt, yes. I'm just... still reeling." He takes another few deep, counted breaths. He'd have to keep doing that every so often to stay centered, but he's taking all of this well, all things considered. He knows it'll hit later though, and he's scared to face that alone. "Does th-that mean I don't have to go into the office t-tomorrow?" He offers a smile with the joke, but it's one he has to force, reminding himself that's what people do when they're telling a dark or dry joke to let the person know that it's a joke.

"If you do the same work, I c-could be a greater help with the FBI than the police. With n-no education or experience, and even b-being found not guilty, I d-didn't think the FBI would hire me." He'd not even given it that much thought, writing off the possibility and settling to hope to uncover the corruption in the NYPD himself. Of course, the city had brought charges against him similar to his father, in part from the pressure of a small group of people that didn't see him as a victim because he'd helped his father at some points, even if it was before he understood what he was doing, or under direct and real threat of violence. When the people on the jury who initially felt that way got to see the details of the case it only took five minutes of deliberation to find him not guilty. But it cost Alex over a year of proceedings. He avoided spending that time in jail thanks to the kindness of the public getting together to pay for the bail he couldn't afford- at least not without selling off things like bitcoin, which he couldn't actually do from jail. "I guess I still helped c-clean up the Force, even if not the way I hoped to," he admits with a slight sigh, but it was a satisfied one.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix hums softly. "Yes." As it dawns on Alex a little smirk tugged at the blond's lips. "Exactly. With the FBI. With me more to the point. What they told you here about me being.. what was it? Notoriously difficult to work with wasn't a fabrication. There are somethings that were stretched and adjusted for the sake of a fitting cover. My name really is Félix and many of the things I told you and you've observed are the truth however."

There's a nod of the blond's head. "Good. It's fine. This is a lot to take in on at once. But you're not going through it alone, Alex. I'll be here with you - for you; if you'd like me to be." He laughed softly and grinned. "I don't think anyone will be going into that office tomorrow. They'll likely be routing things around. Thankfully there were a few officers who were clear and clean like you so there's that." He glanced over at Alex as he took the turn off the main street toward the hospital.

"This is exactly the kind of work I do. And another reason I've asked you to accept a position as my partner. I knew who you were - your.. past isn't a mystery to me. I realized a while in that you would be an invaluable resource and asset to have on our side. Especially if I'm working undercover, it would be helpful to have the knowledge direct from that someone who has been in that deep in that underworld. Even with all the research I have there are bound to be things only known to true insiders - I need that." He pauses then continues. "Mm, well it would be a trail period but I'm sure once they see how well we work together and the knowledge you have; how useful you can be they'll be convinced to make it a permanent thing. I have no doubts."

When he pulls the car into a parking spot he reached over to gently take hold of Alex's hand. "You helped me do this, Alex. You helped me and you'll be helping me and so many other people. I promise you. This is just a start. Even if you don't come out in the field with me, even if you only serve as an informant you'll be helping so many people, Alex." A smile tugs at Félix's lips. "I admire that strength in you. You're very brave."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex is quiet while letting Félix explain things while they get to the hospital. It's good that Félix laughed, he was worried it would have fallen flat, but it was also good to know that there was going to be a day with maybe less than a skeleton crew while they worked on cleaning up the force. He smiles a little himself as he listens. He is glad to have been helpful in this, but also happy that Félix trusts him enough to have his back in this process to even want to keep him as a partner. He'd joined the police to help people, and if he could help more people, then he would be glad to do whatever it took. That gentle touch was a welcome one, as he reached for Félix's hand at the same time. He shakes his head solemnly, "It s-sounds terrible, but I guess, in a way, I'm good at b-being a victim. I'd rather b-be the one to go in deep c-cover, putting myself at r-risk than someone else. I've d-dealt with the worst of that w-world. I c-can do it again if I had to, and I a-actually know what I'm getting into." He frowns darkly, "I w-would hate to risk someone e-else when I can g-go back in there. If I have to see someone t-to make our h-higher ups h-happy, I will, but I have made it this far alone." He lets out a long sigh, gently squeezing Félix's hand, "I've already been working on a r-report and presentation on th-the latest information I had." He looks away, "I d-don't doubt that m-most would think I r-returned b-because I feel the need t-to be a slave," he says as he tightens his grip just a little, "and maybe they're n-not totally wrong, but I d-don't want them to do that t-to anyone else." He lets go of Félix's hand and gets out, not wanting to give his partner a chance to refute what he says right now about being some kind of slave. He knows it's not completely accurate- he was far too willful and motivated when he wanted to be. He'd managed to do more in his time on the force than many did in twice that time, and the cyber crime unit kept requesting his help as well after they saw him work on a combined case, showing a better understanding of some of the cyber security elements than the people in the department. He knew he wasn't something worthless, even if that is the kind of implication the people wanted to make by suggesting he had some kind of base need to be subservient. When he stands outside the car he keeps his head up high and his shoulders squared. He'd been working on his posture since he started working, but he still rarely stopped slouching. When he does he easily gains two extra inches to his already impressive height. He has on a determined expression as he walks towards the hospital, an expression that could almost make him look scary with the scars peeking over the neck of his shirt. When he gets inside he goes to the intake and explains that he is here with the FBI, gesturing to Félix as he does. He says they need a rape kit done on someone as he types something on his phone. The receptionist asks who he's looking for, but Alex just says "I-it's a sensitive c-case...." as he passes her his ID and badge, swallowing nervously. Thankfully the receptionist catches on with a soft "oh." She takes his ID and Alex pulls out his insurance as well, looking back to Félix as he waits for her to bring up his information. She offers Alex a sympathetic smile that Alex returns as she says, "We'll take you back to see her soon. We'll call your name." He's beyond thankful for how quiet she's keeping this, especially since he'd come in through those doors asking for one done plenty of times before, just never for himself.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix held to Alex's hand and his expression softened. "It does sound a little terrible but I understand what you mean. It's only natural that you think that way really. You've grown up in that world, it's conditioned into you." That didn't make it right and Félix points that out gently. "But you're not just a victim, Alex. That's not the sum of all of you. You're more." Even if Alex makes good and valid points for all this.. "I wouldn't mind having you with me when I got back under." His hold tightens on Alex's hand. "But this isn't your everything and you'd better not let it be. You're better than this, Alex. I know it and you know it."

His expression darkens. Alex really thinks that? How could he think that? Before Félix can protest Alex is drawing away from him and slipping from the car. The blond took a breath before getting out as well. He'll let Alex come around and to his side. He doesn't see Alex that way. He doesn't see Alex as a slave or something lesser. But h also doesn't want to push too far right now. After what Alex has been through today...

So he's letting Alex lead the way falling into step at his side. Félix nods to the nurse. "He's with me." He's showing her his badge and moving to help Alex with the papers; shooting off a couple of texts himself. He's staying near Alex, Reaching to touch his shoulder lightly. He was trying his best to project calm and reassure him; Félix knows this is hard for Alex. He knows he's upset and anxious but there isn't much he can do. At least not until he's pulling up a few things on his phone for Alex to look at.

"In fact, here." He's pulling up a picture of a club. "This is somewhere I may be looking into.." Félix smiles at Alex. "There were some threads that seem to have made connections to clubs here and there."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Things are so much more complicated than him just thinking himself being something like a slave by nature. Sure, he might strongly prefer having a leader, having someone doing the thinking for him, at least some of the time, but he knows he could never blindly follow someone. He had developed enough to know that's not all he is though. Nor is his status as a victim. He wouldn't let it be. He couldn't let it be. But explaining the psychological mess that lets him see himself as both inexcusably weak as well as strong at the same time. Or at least easily switching between the two when to fit his current emotional state.

He is thankful that the hospital waiting room is empty, because it means they have plenty of privacy when they sit down. He takes the phone from Félix, looking at the picture. He isn't looking at the club, though. He's looking at the patrons in the photo. He taps at a man in the background wearing a leather jacket with a motorcycle patch on the shoulder. In the photo it was hard to tell what it was, or the face of the guy, but Alex says, "Th-this guy, right here, w-worked with Father. That's a motorcycle shaped leather patch on the s-sleeve from where his ex t-tried to cut him during a f-fight." He looks up to Félix, "That b-bar, it's a new one, b-but a lot've them s-sell oxygen as a k-kinda legal drug. Kratom, salvia, and a few others are c-common too, but usually th-the places that have more going on l-lace some of it, and g-give that stock t-to people they want ta trick into the trafficking side. Only th-the kindsa easy to trick, willing t-to take risks kind of people keep coming back, thinking i-it's still just salvia, but in time th-the bartender offers them LSD once they've g-got a tab. The c-charge is made as s-some other service and is s-so high it always bounces."

He sits back, folding his arms, "but that g-guy's at all the s-sex clubs," he gives a slight shrug, "probs why his ex tried t-ta slash him. So it's a h-hint, but getting someone in there t-to watch and see if that's happening at all, or h-hell, trying it yourself and g-getting blood tested for evidence." There are ways he FBI and police could do that which sat in legal grey areas, but Alex always put the spirit of the law over the letter in the way he handled things, even if most of the time he tried to just stick to the letter when he could.

[monsieurnoir]

The blond settled next to his partner. He is worried about him but he knows that if he can help Alex keep his find off of what happened and focusing forward it will help for now. And the almost empty hospital didn't hurt either. It was a good thing. "Is that so?" Félix leans into Alex a little, one of his arms draping around the back of Alex's chair so he could stay close; keeping his voice low so that it was private - even if they were alone no one could be too cautious.

"Flag that one for me. See that little star in that lower left corner? That. If you want you're welcome to go through some of the other photos and flag them if you see anyone you know. It would be useful. Helpful and if you remember any of the old clubs that could be something we could do a bit of checking in on. Sometimes old paper trails can give us new and fresh leads.."

Félix smiles at Alex. He has to fight the urge to touch him. To run his fingers through Alex's hair. To offer to take him out for something when this was all over and keep him company. There would be time for that later because he doesn't want to leave his partner alone to deal with this. Something about that just doesn't feel right some how? Even if he can't put a name or his finger on the pulse directly he knows that it's not just compassion talking.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex totally misses that Félix is holding back affection, tapping the star before Félix can finish explaining what he means. "I wasn't t-trusted, so I was t-taken blindfolded usually. I can recognize interiors, th-though. At least of the p-private areas. I r-recorded all the names. NYPD sh-should have the reports, but I saved them on my p-personal computer too." Which was technically against policy, but reasonable considering the circumstances.

He starts going through the other pictures, saving and starring second copies of the images with names of people and clubs, and a number between one and 10 with how confident he is in the identity he's providing. Most of the time the people he recognizes are in the background, faces half-obscured. He marks several as 'establishment uninvolved' when he IDs a person but recognizes the place as being unaware of what some patrons were doing. Of those pictures he marks some as places they look for new victims in by tagging them 'hg'.

Then one picture has him go pale. It's of a very posh looking club, the view from the windows making it obviously a top floor or nearly top-floor place. The furniture is realistic statues of humans contorted into various positions. The hair is what gives them away, as they're otherwise some kind of foam with actual gags in their mouths and actual bondage holding the mostly foam figures in place. The hair isn't solid, but is very obviously a wig, and it isn't until Alex zooms in to inspect some damage on one of them that he's sure at least that one is foam.

He keeps zoomin in on various aspects of the room, ignoring the people. He labels it "The Highline" and pulls up the devices built-in sticker option, selecting a hand drawn star that he just starts dropping over various submissives in the shot and labelling all the dominants he recognized. Most other photos had couples, but in this one each of the dominants walking past that he marked have at least two partnered subs, if not more. "Th-these are s-some of the people that p-passed through his hands. I've n-never gone, but there's auctions there. I overheard s-stories, though, and details match. Top f-floor an' roof are "VIP" only, auctions h-happen by video, but..." He shakes his head, the details not something to be said in public. "I detailed wh-what I heard of it in my report. How l-long ago were these taken?" He points out one of the girls, maybe 14, but overpainted to look older, "b-because I'm pretty sure she's one of the missing th-that came across my desk." People suspected to have ended up in human trafficking that they were supposed to keep an eye out while they worked.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix was just glad that he could give Alex something to focus on other than his nerves. And he's glad that Alex isn't the kind to question why Fé has work on his phone and tablet. Alex, if no one else, would understand him. "I'm sure we both know what happened to it. So maybe you should give it directly to me this time." Because with the Chef being shady it's not likely they'll be easy to find since he seemed to be protecting these people.

He watched Alex as he worked but when he noticed that he focused on a certain picture for longer than the others and the expression on his face he rested a hand on his shoulder. "Alex?" He listened his head tilting to the side watching as he tagged everyone. But he knows this place. Felix has already been digging into it a bit. It's his next assignment after all. "This is where I'm supposed to get into next actually. I mean obviously I have to start with lower end places and earn my way up but... "

Félix nods. "I understand. I've heard about the auctions. I'm trying to get in deep enough to get in to try and buy some of these people out of this." He closed his eyes and sighed softly. "They're recent. I knew the case at the station was winding so I asked for my new assignment so I could get started on building things up for starting my infiltration; learn my cover. They're not more than a month or less old. I insist on having the most up-to-date information as possible."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex looks up at him alarmed, "Nuh-uh. You're n-not starting here. N-not on your own. A g-guy with your looks? W-without knowing y-you have a lot of money backing you, or a f-friend? No, y-you're more l-likely ta get drugged and go missing." And then Alex takes in a breath, "B-but... w-what if... what if you play yourself a-as the new b-boss in town? Corrupt a-agent, w-with the p-perfect pet set up t-ta destroy anyone in your way." He locks eyes with Félix, "If you s-say I g-got rid of Father to join you, and th-the Chief so th-there wasn't any o-other business in town. I-it's what th-they'd more easily a-accept, than that I did all that myself. A b-bit of me h-happily serving you, and y-you'd have all the trust. Especially if you a-appear cruel to me sometimes." His breathing rate is speeding up a bit, but he's still controlling it fairly well, considering that he's offering himself up to be put right back in the position of victim.

HE swallows, "If y-you try g-getting in through this front w-without me it will l-look suspicious. E-especially if you d-don't have some fortune in your p-pocket." He'd not asked much about the details of Félix's life before working for the police, a few general things came up in normal conversation, but Alex never cared much about who Félix was, just who he is. He didn't know about the fortune his family has. "And s-starting at the b-best place w-would have you w-waiting at least a y-year to get up there. Th-they'd expect you t-to do things with their victims. A l-lot of things. B-but with me they'd n-not expect s-so much of that."

He passes the tablet back to Felix and lets out a long sigh, "I h-have to be crazy." Considering why they're here, considering what he'd been through, it did seem like madness to subject himself to similar treatment again. "I m-must be insane, b-but if we w-want a shot at g-getting those people out, y-you're gonna have to make a bang. Enter with me at your heels, demand access a-at the threat of r-releasing the r-reports the Chief'd th-thrown out. I d-dunno, m-maybe even t-try demanding a cut or they'll h-have ta get used ta n-not having the cops on their side. Y-you gotta m-make yourself th-the most powerful in the room, and th-they'll listen. U-used to be my Father. When h-he was sober, at least."

[monsieurnoir]

Félix was surprised by the look of alarm on Alex's face and it confused him for a fraction of an instant. Then it dawned on him swiftly. Alex didn't know that he was Félix Agreste. He didn't know that Félix had more than ample means. Before he can open his mouth to explain Alex is surging forward with that offer. That offer of himself as his in-field partner and guide, the ideal cover. God but Félix could kiss him right now. Fuck if it wasn't an absolute and flawless idea. And where wouldn't need to be much more worry about covering tracks if this bled over in to that. This breaking with Alex's father and the Chef would hit news everywhere and make such a pretty splash...

It would be a hell of a good way to announce that he was in charge and taking over business. He gripped Alex's shoulder lightly. "Breathe. You're safe. I'm here. I'll be here." He's touching his cheek forcing him to focus on him. "Alex. It's fine. If you don't want to do this you don't have to. You don't have to step in with me if you don't want to. But if you do we'll find ways for you to communicate to me. Ways for you to still let me know what's too much. If you do this with me, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you're safe and that you come out of this with as little emotional and mental trauma as possible." He's closing his eyes. "It would be ideal to do this with you but I won't force you, Alex. If you feel you can't, it's fine. You don't have to actually put on the collar and let me take you. It's fine. This is would be too much for anyone."

Especially Alex. Alex who'd just been assaulted. Félix took the tablet and saved all the changes before closing it down and tucking it away. "We can take a few days to get things squared away, let it hit the news and circulate a bit. We still need to pull everything together - get your clearance and badge and everything." A faint smile tugs at Félix's lips. "Don't worry about that. I know how to give orders and make myself larger than life. I was.. a different person before I joined the FBI. I came from a filthy rich family, had anything I ever demanded that money could buy. I think I can do a rather decent and convincing job." But he's running his fingers through Alex's hair. "But think this over. I don't want you putting your well being at risk like this."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex takes a deep breath, letting his head get pulled to look at Félix after he flinches at the first hint of a touch. He is quick to hold Félix's hand to his cheek. It was something Félix would have to get used to. He can't help himself with those flinches. He makes an effort to make sure that he looks Félix directly in the eye as he says, "I'm sure." He closes his eyes, frowning a little, "J-just hearing you o-offer a collar stirred something n-not totally negative. M-maybe having a real partner in it c-could help." He looks back up to his partner, "and m-maybe I c-can help you too."

It wasn't too hard for Alex to catch that quirk in Félix's wording. He squeezes Félix's hand gently, "And m-maybe I c-could help you with th-the things money c-can't buy." Love. It didn't matter for him if that love was romantic, or that of a friend or a family member. He wanted to build a bond of some kind of love between him and Félix. He could feel it starting to form, even if he didn't know just what kind of love it was yet. He smiles at Félix, "I d-don't need to think any longer. It's... i-it's a thought I've had s-since I went to the academy. I d-didn't think it'd c-come to happen, but I know the guilt w-would be worse than anything that c-could c-come from going through with it. I already trust you with m-my life." It's not like they hadn't gotten into some hairy situations here and there. Enough Alex knew that he could rely on Félix and trust him. "Y-you just keep proving to me I p-put my faith in the r-right person, for once."

[monsieurnoir]

Félix had moved to draw his hand away but stilled when Alex pressed it against his cheek, resting his own atop. His expression softens and a smile tugs at his lips. Okay so Alex wants him to touch him. That's fine. He's more than willing to give him the warm, affection - maybe he needed a kind touch after what had happened? Félix doesn't know, he won't pretend to. "Well, that is encouraging. Maybe if it's with someone new who you know isn't part of that, someone who would never be cruel and unkind.." He leaned in resting his forehead against Alex's for a moment. "We can try and see how things work for us."

The blond inhaled softly, the sound wasn't as steady as it usually is, Alex's offer had struck a chord. He'd always wanted something like that. He'd always wanted love - someone that cared for him for no reason other than he was him. Maybe Alex was that person, could be that person. He relaxed and pressed his forehead against Alex's. "I'll make the arrangements for this then. We'll take a few days to be seen together around the city, for Intel-gathering and ironing out details while you recover." He drew back offering Alex a rare warm smile. "Thank you for believing in me, Alex." He couldn't begin to explain how happy that made him.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex smiles at him, "Thank y-you for believing in me. Y-you know how most people in that office saw me." He casts his eyes down, the smile faltering. It was easy to pin him as weak, as just a publicity factor, a hire that was mostly to avoid the negative coverage that rejecting him could have caused. And of course hiring him made it look like the NYPD was committed to rooting out the corruption, but the head was already rotten. No one thought he belonged there, or at least that's how Alex often felt, but Félix didn't seem to feel that way.

There's a moment of hesitation as Alex debates on if he wants to voice this question, if he wants to hear the answer. "Fé, do you th-think-"

"Alex Furest?"

Alex looks up and stands, going over to talk to the nurse, nodding for Félix to join him. The nurse takes his vitals and gets some bracelets on him. It's not much longer before they're moving him to a small, closet of a room- but it's private. As they walk to the room behind the nurse Alex lets his hand slip into Félix's. He's instructed to put on the hospital gown, and since Alex is still holding onto Félix's hand when she turns to leave, she closes the curtain with Felix on the inside before stepping out and closing the door behind her.

Alex holds onto Félix's hand to keep him from moving, "W-wait. I... if w-we're doing that, I h-have to get used t-ta being naked or n-near that around you. I'd r-rather treat this l-like a bandaid, just, get the worst done with now so I c-can build from there." He pulls off his shirt and looks up to Felix with fearful eyes. He's not sure how his partner will react to seeing all the scars on his skin. There are names carved into his skin- often unintelligible with the other damage done to his skin, but it stops almost cleanly just under where a tee shirt collar would sit, and again where a long sleeve shirt would end, though there is a burn that goes up to his right hand. It covers some of his hand and fingers, but now it mostly appears as a faded discolouration on his skin. He swallows hard and closes his eyes as he turns so Félix can see his back as well. It was horrific to see the skin such a thick layer of scar tissue in some places that there were stretch marks defining the edges as some parts of his skin had to stretch unhealthily because of how stiff the scar tissue was. It explained a lot about how he moved sometimes, leaning his whole body and back in stiffly when trying to reach forward for something. It was clear it had taken many years to build that up, but it was still evident that it had been done by a whip by the characteristic lines.

Alex looks back to Félix, "It's... n-not too much, is it?"

[monsieurnoir]

"Of course I believe you and believe in you, Alex." Because he did - he does. Nothing is going to change that - Not Alex's past. Not this. "Like we should concern ourselves with how a bunch of corrupt assholes see us.They don't know a thing about us." He smiled gently at Alex because it's what he knows Alex needs. Has needed for a while maybe.

"Hm?"

But their conversation is cut short. He stays where he is waiting to see if Alex wanted him to come along or not. When his partner nods, Félix is moving smoothly to his feet and coming up to his side. As Alex's hand seeks his own, he's surprised but he gives it to him willingly. He gave his hand a soothing squeeze. Left with Alex, Félix glanced to the door before moving toward it Only to stop as Alex held him fast.

"Alex?"

Then he gave a little nod squeezing his hand. "Okay." If this is what Alex wants Félix is fine with it. It makes sense actually. So Felix watches him remove his shirt and his eyes are moving over him slowly. Félix is taking a quiet inventory, each name, each scar; he's filing them away. A scowl tugged at his mouth but it's not Alex he's mad at. These people hurt him, marked him. Alex didn't deserve this kind of pain. When Alex turned, Félix repeats the process again with his back.That explained so much and it made his heart ache.

"It's too much." But he's quick to elaborate as his hands; now in set of nitrile gloves moved to rest at his waist. "It's too much pain you didn't deserve. I'm so sorry, Alex. I wish I had found you sooner. If I had been able to help you sooner." He moves forward slightly, gently touching his cheek. "You're perfectly fine just as you are."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex freezes, his whole body tensing, but then Félix clarified and Alex let out a relieved sigh. He pulls his shirt off his arms, piling it with his jacket and tie. He then moves to put on the robe before taking off his pants. He hesitates and then takes off his pants first instead. There's another moment of hesitation and he also removes his underwear. The scars trail down his legs, though there were fewer. Alex couldn't see the lewd and cruel things carved into the flesh of his rear, and he doesn't look. Some are offering him for service, and it seems at some point a few people were making tallies, or maybe it was one person for another reason. "I-it would be bad i-if you looked surprised, so... Y-you should see everything." As he turns back around he holds onto the gown, even letting Félix see his genitals, and the small pair of holes on the top that suggests he at least once had a piercing. Written in scars on either side of his thighs so that he can clearly see it whenever he looks down at his naked hips is "only sluts touch themselves." He allows Félix to look for a moment, but he can feel himself twitch with the knowledge that he's being so carefully watched. He quickly turns back away, "c-can you tie it?"

When he turns around, it becomes apparent that there's a trail of blood running down between his legs. Its just a single trail, not so much to worry about bleeding out, not so long as its not from some internal injury. Unaware, Alex just waits for Félix to tie closed the gown, his eyes closed and breathing shallow with what could just be his anxiety.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix might glance away when Alex moves to strip his pants and boxers off but his gaze is brought back to him. It's true. If he was Alex's real Master he would know about all those marks, all those injuries and scars. So then... He's looking now. Looking at Alex and swallowing back the taste of something bitter that comes to his tongue seeing those words carved into Alex's skin. Hateful horrible things. He swallows his anger and rage down. "Of course."

When Alex turns he moves to take hold of the ties only to stop. "Stay as you are. You're bleeding." Gently tying the gown before moving to push the curtain side Félix sucked in a breath "Breathe for me." But he was reaching for Alex's hand, and starting for the door of the exam room. Tugging it open he's peering out but keeping Alex from sight so that Alex is close to him and safe; has the comfort of his presence but so he can flag in the nurse to help them. The sight of the blood made him uneasy and more than a little concerned.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex freezes when he hears that he's bleeding. He takes a breath, hits the assist button, and holds onto Felix's hand. He turns to slip behind Felix as the nurse walks over, speeding up upon seeing Félix's worried look.

The nurse looks to them, "What did you need? Is everything alright?"

Alex just affixes himself more directly behind Félix, letting him explain the situation to the nurse. He wasn't even sure if he'd be able to speak right now to a complete stranger. Especially not with someone that can explain better what he saw.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix let Alex hide behind him, reassuringly squeezing his hand. "It's fine. Don't worry. They'll take care of you. I'll stay with you every step of the way." As long as he could that was.

He's peering down at the nurse. "He's hurt. Bleeding in fact." He clears his throat. "When he turned for me to tie his gown there's blood running down his leg from what I can only assume to be some kind of tearing from the assault."

Félix turns back to Alex and reaches out, running his fingers through Alex's hair; gently giving him some kind of affection so that it would keep him grounded. "He's a bit scared and there might be some shock at play. I'll try to answer any questions you have since I'm his partner."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

The nurse notes the drops of blood on the floor, "Have him lay down. I'll get a doctor right in to take a look at him." She doesn't seem too worried, at least. It's still bleeding without stopping, but it was a slow drip.

She leaves the room and jogs down the hall to call for the doctor, giving Alex a few moments alone with Félix again.

Thankfully Alex doesn't resist Félix getting him into bed. He lays down and looks to his partner. "Doesn't that count as evidence," he says as he nods to the blood on the floor. They could maybe add battery to the charges. Or try to.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix nods and he's moving to help Alex get settled. He's holding his hand gently the whole time his free hand smoothing through Alex's hair. "It can yes. The tearing, the blood, any injury you might have from big to small.. "

The blond glanced at the blood only to frown. He could collect it with a bit of gauze; perhaps he should but he doesn't want to leave Alex's side. So he's staying exactly where it is. It will be documented. There will be pictures and reports. Those will be enough. So will what they walked in on and the audio from the bug planted on the chief's desk. Félix will see to it that he gets hit with every possible charge they can throw at him - big to small; he can be petty like that.

And this is one of those times he wants to be. "There will be pictures of your injuries unless they need to do some emergency intervention. Either way there will be a good half dozen reports, the nurse, the doctor, me.. there's more than enough evidence to make sure that asshole never sees the light of day. He brushes his finger tips over Alex's temple. "Don't worry about that. Let's focus on you."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex reflexively flinches, but it's less than before and comes with a small smile. He settles into the hospital bed and lets out a sigh. He looks to Félix with a warm smile, taking his hand in his own, "You're r-really good to me, Fé, but I d-don't wanna focus on m-me right now. I w-wanna focus on anything else."

He doesn't want to deal with this right now. He wishes he could use the powers he developed on himself at times like this, but he can't. Instead he just wanted to do something that wasn't him. "W-would you t-tell me about your f-favourite movie?"

[monsieurnoir]

"You're my partner. I have to take good care of you." But he's nodding letting Alex have his hand, letting him squeeze it and cling to it - whatever he needs. "Okay. So we won't. We'll find something else." But that hadn't been what Félix meant. Not by a long shot. He wants Alex to not worry about work that's what he means. For right now though they'll play it the way that Alex wants to - how ever helps him best.

"My favorite movie? Well, let's see." He considered a moment before. "The Princess Bride. It's a very good movie; a very nice adaption of a book to movie which is exceedingly rare. Also it was one of the first movies I watched without my father's permission - well that's a bit of a lie. My father thought it was just some harmless sappy romance movie but there's pirates in it and secret identities; daring sword fighting and battles of wits."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex smiles at that, laughing gently, "The first one you w-watched without his permission? Y-you'll have ta show me, it d-doesn't sound that wild." He lets out a sigh as he tries to relax and forget about things for the moment, "Father d-didn't really keep me from reading s-something, or w-watching. As l-long as I c-could hear him c-call my name and didn't make n-noise."

Talking like this, about the past, it let him just stay separate from it all. He holds Félix's hand and lets his eyes drift closed for a moment as he asks, "I've h-heard of it, but I th-thought it was just a r-rom-com or something too."

[monsieurnoir]

"Mhm. My father was extremely strict. He always had someone watching over me, hovering and all that nonsense. He was.. something of a control freak actually." The blond laughed softly and leaned in resting his forehead against Alex's. "Focus. Tell me your favorite things. I already know how you take you coffee but not your favorite book or movie and song.."

Félix hums softly. "I tell you what. When this is all over if you want we can head back to my apartment. You won't want to be alone after all this. We can watch movies and have dinner. It'll be nice." He laughs. "It does have funny moments but it's so much more than that. Especially compared to the way most people define rom-coms."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex smiles at that, "Let's w-watch The Princess Bride, then." He squeezes Félix's hand, "It's n-not really a book, but I read c-comics mostly." He blushes softly, "The Amazing S-Spider-Man is still my favourite. The latest reboot's n-not too bad, either, but they're not n-nearly as funny." He glances up to look at Félix's face, "As for music I really like-"

There's a knock at the door as Alex finishes, "techno." He looks up, tensing as the doctor enters.

"Hello, Alex Furest?" A young male doctor ducks through the curtain by the door, looking from a clipboard to Alex who just nods, hand tightening around Félix's. "I heard you are having some bleeding. Let's get that checked first, and then I will start the rape kit. Is that alright?"

There's a moment of stillness and the doctor's eyes glances to Alex and Félix's hands clasped. There's no judgement in his expression, but the brief look he gives on the way into the room, a nurse with stirrups following the doctor in. It's small, brief, and harmless, but it's enough to have Alex drawing his hand back and looking away with shame.

The doctor doesn't seem to notice as his eyes are already back on his clipboard, reading Alex's medical history while the nurse sets the stirrups into the attachments at the base of the hospital bed. "Can you slide down to the edge of the bed?" Alex does as told, glancing to Félix as he does. He doesn't like this but he knows it's better to just go along with it. He slides down and gets his feet into the stirrups with the blanket over his waist, keeping his eyes closed as he does and covering his eyes with one hand. The doctor sets about checking his wrist band and then looking him over, staying quiet as he works. He puts some pressure on the anal fissure before doing the rape kit. Alex grits his teeth and twitches as the doctor works as he tries not to make a sound.

"We're almost done," the doctor says as he ensures the bleeding stopped. He makes sure to clean the wound, "Everything is going to be okay. It's just a little tear and your blood might be thin." He withdraws everything and Alex pulls his legs back and he shuffles up the bed, "I want to get a few blood tests before we let you go. Have you been having any symptoms?"

Alex just nods, and then pauses before shrugging to the second question, refusing to say anything. He's pulled into himself not wanting to deal with the doctor anymore than he absolutely had to.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix smiles gently and nods. "We can absolutely do that once we're sure you're okay." Because it stopped being about getting the kit done the instant he saw Alex bleeding. It just did. It changed everything and Felix doesn't really care what that said about him - Alex is his partner and a good person. "Duly noted." He smiles making a mental note that when he's out later to get Alex something nice to cheer him up.

He didn't peg Alex for the techno type but it was fine. Not Felix's cup of tea perhaps but it wouldn't bother him much. Feeling Alex tense and tighten his hold on Félix's hand he squeezes it back; reassuringly. When Alex doesn't speak Félix speaks for him. "It's fine."

Though feeling Alex pull his hand away makes the blond's stomach drop for a reason he isn't too willing to dig into investigating just yet. Instead, he covers up his disappointment by moving to help him scoot down without hurting himself further. And he might shift closer to the exam table, near his head and when his hand settles back to his side it almost brushing near Alex's cheek. Sensing Alex's distress he's taking hold of the hand over Alex's eyes.

"You're fine. I'm here. Breath, Alex." He's reminding gently. Alex is safe. He wouldn't have let anyone hurt Alex, not even a doctor. But Alex knows that. When Alex settles back the blond is glancing to him frowning a bit at his lack of response. "Alex?" Gently, he gripped his chin and got him to look at him. He needs him to tune in and answer as best he can.

"Hey, You need to tell them if you're having any weird symptoms. The person who assaulted you might not have been clean, Alex. They're going to do a blood test anyway for the whole nine yards and they'll likely give you a dose of antibiotics to start and a script just in case until the labs come back." He offers a smile. "I promised I'd take care of you I can't do that if you don't tell me when something is wrong no matter how small. Now have you been having any symptoms or felt sick or noticed anything odd about your body? Would you tell me or the nurse if the doctor and I left the room?"

Because he's not going to let up until Alex answers. Then he's glancing to the doctor. "I'll need duplicates of all of his reports for the case files." He's reaching into his suit jacket and taking out one of his cards to hand over to him."My information is there you can call me when it's ready. Don't release it to anyone but me."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex's head turns to Félix, but his eyes stay looking away. He pulls back, trying to say something, but no words come out. He tries again and only gets out a choked squeak. He grabs his phone and brings up a notepad app with a single swipe and types out "I've been having some abdominal pain, but I've had that for a long time. I might've bled down there before I think, but it always stops on its own. I don't know what else could be related."

Félix himself might have noticed that no matter how much Alex slept he was also always tired. He'd complained about never seeming to be able to sleep enough, having tried everything from six to twelve hours a night for a week each. Even totally disconnecting all of his tech- which was a big sacrifice for him- didn't seem to help. He mostly just combated it with energy drinks or coffee. He kept a secondary trash can just for the minimum one Monster can he drank each afternoon.

[monsieurnoir]

Félix speaks softly, gently. "It's fine. You're safe here, you know that. This is a safe place. No one will know but us and you know I only care for your health." He wouldn't judge Alex if he was sick or if those bastards gave Alex something. Félix didn't care. He just wants Alex to be well. "Take your time, Alex. It's okay. It will be okay."

The blond is leaning reading off the text to the doctor then after a pause he's adding, "He also seems to be experiencing bouts of chronic fatigue now that I think about it. I originally thought it might have been work stress or something but.. it might be worth noting as well."

Setting Alex's phone aside, he's reaching to brush his fingers through Alex's hair. "Hey. This isn't your fault, Alex. You know that. Whatever it is it's not on you. He did this to you no the other way around." He lightly slid an arm around his partner's shoulders offering him what comfort he could as best he can without going too fair in front of these strangers.

this one poofed from my inbox and I'm salty about that

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex nods, knowing Félix was right, but not being able to convince his throat to unlock enough for him to actually make his words work. It felt like it had been a long time since he had been pushed to this point, but it was also a familiar frustrating feeling. Even though he knows that the doctor wouldn't judge him, and that it isn't his fault, he still can't fight back a creeping feeling of carefully crafted reflexive shame. He covers his face, his shame still creeping in because he knows that having been taught to feel like this was part of how he was controlled for so long, and controlled again by the former Chief.

He takes a few deep, careful breaths to keep himself calm as he ignored looking at the doctor, who blessedly was focused instead on Félix. "Those are symptoms of quite a few different things. I will order some imaging to be done in addition to the blood tests to start to rule things out."

[monsieurnoir]

Félix nods. "Please do what you can for him. Even if it isn't related to this incident I want him to be taken care of.." He really does. "When you get done with labs and tests, you can contact us on the number of that card." He's reaching out offering Alex his hand so that he can have that support and comfort.

Félix wants to make him happy. He wants to help Alex feel better. Alex doesn't deserve to feel that way. He did nothing wrong, He didn't do anything bad. Alex is a good boy. It bothers Félix that good people are the main people that have to deal with shit like this. Gently, the blond is moving closer to Alex guiding him through breathing, to help him ground himself and bring him back to calm. .

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Alex is surprisingly calm, considering that he still found his nerves kept him from speaking. The affection, as small as it is in the moment. He takes that hand and accepts Félix's support. It's the first time in a long time he's had any of the sort when he needed it.

The doctor nods, "Don't worry, we will get the most important tests done, but you will want to follow up with a regular doctor. We will give you a DVD containing the details of our tests today to bring to whichever doctor you choose."

[monsieurnoir]

Félix nods and he's rubbing his thumb over the back of Alex's hand. "Understood. I'll make sure he goes to the doctor. I'll make certain he follows-up and gets all the care he needs. There's no need to worry about that." He nods squeezing Alex's hand. He'll look after him. He'll take care of him. He will make sure that Alex is well and healthy before they start their assignment, it's a must - even if it's not purely for the good fo the work.

He's glancing down at Alex, reaching to gently grip his shoulder. It's fine. That's what those icy blue eyes say. They say that it's fine. They say that Félix isn't going anywhere, that he'll be right here for Alex as long as he needs him to be. "I'll make certain of his continued care."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

The doctor nods, "That's good. A nurse will come to bring you down for imaging and for the blood work soon." He nods again and steps out to give them privacy- making sure any interior windows are pulled closed on his way out. Alex finally relaxes into the bed, closing his eyes and crying gently while holding tightly onto Felix's hand. After a moment he takes a breath and laughs a little, "I s-s-still can't get a read on you, but I'm glad you're here. I'll t-try not ta be too difficult." But old fears are hard to overcome.

Alex looks up into those beautiful blues and smiles a little through his tears. "I s-still f-feel like a f-fool for... just accepting it." Just accepting that it was how things were, how they would have to be. "I c-couldn't figure out what t-to do about the pain. It's n-not bad, but was getting worse, and I...." was stuck between a number of different pressures- to not be the victim again, to maintain his position, for people to not hear about any of it, lest people say he slept his way up, or any of the other likely nasty rumors to come out when people believe it to be a consensual arrangement. His own view of 'consent' in legal standards was still skewed, but when it came to his job he investigated the facts, determining the law was done in court.

[monsieurnoir]

"Yes, thank you." His tone is polite to the doctor watching as he goes. Once he's going he's chuckling softly. "A read? What do you mean? Granted, I do know that I'm a bit hard to pin down and you only really know me as a police officer and partner - which was a cover..." He toys with Alex's hair. "But I can tell you about myself now if you'd like since you're going to be my partner for a while and we're going to be working together so closely." There's a shake of his head. "No. You're not being difficult."

He's just leaning into the exam table trying to calm and soothe Alex. "You're not a fool. You were in a bad position and you did what you thought you had to to survive. There's nothing foolish about that. When- when a woman gets raped but doesn't fight back we don't say that she isn't a victim, that it wasn't rape, right? We say she did what she had to to to stay alive. That she did the right thing, don't we?"

Yes. Yes, that's exactly what they say. And Alex knows it. Alex knows it because he's seen Felix give that exact same speech. "Why are you any different than they are? He was taking advantage of you, manipulated you, hurt you. That doesn't make you foolish. It makes you a survivor, Alex."

Felix squeezes his hand. "And if you mean the pain, well lots of people do that. Sometimes we ignore things - coughs, sneezes.. Sometimes we think they're just a little thing; sometimes it's just something we ate or something simple. But it doesn't matter. We're here now and we'll take care of it. You'll get the care you need. We can take care of whatever it is an you'll be just all better."

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

"I mean, w-well, I dunno. I c-can usually just get a sense of people. It d-doesn't make much sense," he says as he shakes his head and sighs. "You're r-right. I th-think I've s-said it too," he shakes his head again, putting his hand over his brow, "It's s-so different from this side. I th-thought I'd n-not have it ever happen again, w-with everything I've been learning." But his tone hints that it could happen to anyone, if the right person in the right position knew the right buttons to press on a person, and Alex's buttons were basically public record after the full criminal trial he was dragged through.

He looks up to Felix, "I'm glad I got partnered with you. I c-couldn't imagine if it w-was someone else."